"I think my biggest problem is being young and beautiful. It's my biggest problem because I've never been young and beautiful. Oh, I've been beautiful, and God knows I've been young, but never the twain have met." Arnold - Torch Song Trilogy
Hello my loyal followers.
I hope that everyone is having a great holiday season. So far, my holiday season has been really
good. Though I have yet to find my husband for my fairy tale wedding, my life is
good.
How’s my search going you may ask? Well, I guess the word is very
interesting. I have met some good people
and made some eye opening observations about myself, men, and the homosexual
male community. Below is my personal
discoveries and I will tell you how it relates to my current location. Is Costa Rica just like the US?
The Homosexual Male Community
Don’t think because we are gay and like men that I think all
gay men should want to sleep with each other because that is insane. Just because I like men doesn’t mean I want
to sleep with all of them. We all have
our wants and needs when it comes to a spouse and what we find attractive.
With that said, the community celebrates three things above
all else; Youth, Fitness, and Straight Acting.
I am a guilty accomplice of this stereotypical standard and it kills me. Seeing how I am 45, overweight, and gayer
than Christmas, this would seem to count me out of the community and in some
areas or circles that is correct.
In my youth, I would love to be on the dance floor shaking
my booty, drinking until the sun came up, and hitting on men. I was pretty much
a club kid or at least, the one horse Midwest town version of a club kid. It was during these days that someone told me
something that stuck with me and was paraphrased in the popular Showtime series
“Queer as Folk”. I was told, “Live it up now because when you turn thirty, you have
to hang up your high heels because to the community you’re dead.”
This was funny to me at the time, but it is true. The male portion of the community is so youth
driven that age is very important. It is
so important that we have to have a separation of the gay community between our
likes in men or how we identify each other.
We have twinks (anyone under the age of 25 or at least in my day that
was the age limit, but I guess it could be to anyone that gives off that youthful
glow and usually smooth, no hair), boys (anyone that exudes a younger quality
and submissive persona), daddies (anyone that exudes an authoritative and
masculine persona), silver daddies (usually older men, but any man that has a
mature look). Do all daddies like
twinks? The answer is no, but for the
majority of my findings between the four groupings this is what I have
experienced.
Twinks like Twinks and Daddies
Boys like Daddies and Silver Daddies
Daddies like Twinks and Boys
Silver Daddies like Twinks, Boys, and Daddies
Then there is the fitness level. Thanks to the 80’s and rightfully so we
became very health and appearance conscience, while still trying to have a 3,000
a day caloric intake. (CURSE, YOU FAST FOOD!!!) Sorry, I digress. This fitness craze hit the homosexual male
community hard because there is no human out there more narcissistic than the
gay male. This includes me. Believe it
or not. Fat, middle aged men can be narcissistic, about what trait I have no
clue.
We always want someone that compliments us or we think
compliments us. I have said it before
that I am a super chub, but I don’t find chubs attractive. Now, I also don’t think Arnold Schwarzenegger
in his heyday was attractive either. I like
more of a lean muscular to average kind of man; Chris Evans to Seth Green.
The community has boxes for the fitness and appearance level
as well. We have twinks (again no body
hair and fit), gym rats (guys who work out in the gym at least 5 times a week
for more than an hour a day), bears (guys who have body hair and mostly fit),
chubs (guys who are overweight). Like
the age thing above, not all chubs like bears, but for the majority of the
community the chubs are left out of the most liked category.
Straight Acting has to be the most cliché item that the
homosexual community has to get over. I am working hard to get over this
myself. Why should I not get to know
someone because they are a little lighter in their loafers than I am? I automatically discard someone because they
hold their wrist a little limper than I hold mine or they over use the phrase “Girl”. It is absurd. Where does this come from?
It comes from our closet days. We wanted our latest friend (a.k.a.
boyfriend) to pass the parent test, which meant for them to get to know the
parents without the parents knowing you were gay lovers, or you could call it the
work test, which meant for you to bring your partner to a work function without
turning into a gay pride parade. I am
extremely guilty of this infraction. It’s
comical, disheartening, and sad all at the same time.
I have always said that if I wanted to date a woman I would
date woman so why should I give an effeminate man a chance. After thinking about this, I wondered how many
men I passed up because of their obvious female characteristics. Was one of them Mr. Right? Because as well know, you can’t pick who you
love. It is an emotion and it is
fickle. I have been shown time after
time that the person you fall for is not your imaginary Mr. Right, so I guess Matt Damon is not in my
cards. (Sigh)
Men
With all of these observations and delving into the gay male
world that I have done now for 25 years, I have come to the conclusion like
many others have that men are sensory creatures. We like what we hear. We crave what we smell. We enjoy what we touch. We relish what we taste. We desire what we see. Though we have feelings and we can have our
feelings hurt, we are not driven by them, at least for the most part.
The other item is though in our physical world we may not be
organized and/or cleanly. We have to
have everything in their rightful place in our mind or it doesn't work. For instance, I have friends and I have
co-workers and I have family. I never
really relished the idea of them intertwining with one another, but thanks to
Facebook, I have no choice anymore, unless I set up several accounts and that
just seems to be too much unnecessary work.
However, this is why the homosexual male community has twinks, bears,
silver daddies, chubs, super chubs, leopards (like cougars but gay men), otters
(thin hairy guys), rice queens (guys who only like Asian men), and so on and so
forth.
Me
I am identified as a Silver Daddy Super Chub Leopard because
I am of an older age with grey hair and over 300 lbs. My most awesome desire in a man would be a
Latin otter younger than me but older than 25.
I am also a visual slut or, as you would probably say, I have a wandering
eye. I like to look it, but it doesn't
mean I will touch.
Now in my youth, I would have been considered a twink chub,
because I wasn’t fit, but I wasn’t near as big as I am now. My most awesome desire in a man was a Latin
otter older man.
I sadly enough perpetuate the issue. I try to say it is because no one my age is
interested in me because I am older or fatter.
Is that true or is it my reasoning for liking younger men? Am I sabotaging myself? I have opened up to more effeminate men and
guys that are a little heavier, but so far I still can’t give them a green
light.
Current Location
I love Kansas City, but being a single chub in Kansas City
sucks. Kansas City doesn't like the
chubs. It is a city that is youth and
fit crazed, plus afraid of commitment.
It has to be the worst city to be single and gay. I got little to no
action there and the only action I did get was the fleeting once in a corn blue
moon action. Please also don’t tell me I
wasn't looking in the right places. I
tried grocery stores, gay bars, gay clubs, churches, choirs and so on and so
forth.
I moved to San Jose Costa Rica and, of course the first few
months, I got a lot of notice because I was new meat. We all know that no matter what you look like
new meat always gets the once over by everyone.
However as my newness wore off, I was left with a majority of suitors
from the age of 20 to 27, which was very new to me. I know why complain and it really woke the
leopard in me.
Yes, most of them were because I was a Gringo and they
thought I was a sugar daddy. They had to
soon learn that my sugar was for me and, if they wanted to share in the sugar
from my jar, they had to add their own sugar to mine (sugar equals money if you
are lost). This left with a quite a few
of them that were interested in me because of my eyes and smile and even my
body, go figure.
With all of this, you would have thought I would have found
my husband. Alas that is not so, because
though yes I have a lot of suitors, I have no one who is willing to commit to
me in a long term basis. Ticos are very
independent people and don’t rush into anything. In fact, when I told them that my 24 yr. old
son was married, the most common response I get from Ticos is that he’s too
young to marry. The majority of Ticos
don’t want to settle down until they are in their 30's.
This was different in Panama City. They were all exactly like Kansas City. I don’t think I could get one of them to
notice me unless I set myself on fire in the middle of a dance club and even
then I think they would just pour their drinks on me to make my flames bigger
and brighter. Panama City gays were not
into chubs at all. My travel buddy, who
is very thin, had a lot of men interested in him. Unfortunate for them, my friend is not a slut
like I can be or I should say like I am.
Don’t judge I’m single and I strongly believe in testing driving before
you buy.
Nicaragua was even more different in the other side of the
spectrum. I was noticed a lot like I am
in Costa Rica, but Nicas want commitment and they were between 20 and 27 as
well. They loved me and wanted to marry
me. I’m not sure if it was for the right
reason or not because I was only there for five days. However, they keep messaging me on my dating
apps and begging me to come back to Nicaragua.
With that said you may ask do the same observations about
fitness, age and straight acting exist in the Latin America countries like it
does in Kansas City. The answer is yes
it does. Regardless of what country I
have visited or lived in, the same stereotypes and groups are relevant. I am just seeing a different proportion on
how many twinks like chubs and how many daddies like silver daddies and so on.
As far as the straight acting, I really don’t have to worry
about it here too much because Latin America is still fighting their way out of
the closet and so far, my thought is I will never be brought before the family
unit at all, especially since Ticos don’t want to commit at least not yet. Plus I don’t act that gay, but on the other hand
what matter does it make, if I clutch my pearls too much while in a
conversation.
Alright until next time, may your bartender keep your drink
full and strong.
